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-A necessary step to letting you know where I stand.

I write in hope of improving my standings with you for when I come home.
I know there are a great many things I’ve done, and I don’t know where to begin.
There are so many things I wish I could take back, or start over.
I wish that with a bat a of an eye I could have the chance to make things right.

I know that you will be patient as I ask for more time away from you.
I have begun to understand my ignorance and the obstruction it causes.
But I wonder at what point will this haze or veil be lifted.
I put my trust in you, but only half- heartedly because you know I am scared.

I write this letter in hopes that it will, in part erase some of my shortcomings.
I write this letter also to reassure my anxieties,
A desperation that hopes and wishes to be non- existent.

It’s debilitating, I’m afraid to succeed, to fail.
I’m afraid he’ll cheat, I’ll cheat or that I was just never good enough.
I ask for time for me, a selfish request but I believe a necessary one.

I ask for the doubt to diminish and the insecurities to vanish.
I don’t want to think the thoughts I think in my moments of desperation.
I rethink and re- evaluate everything to the point of my own extinction.

I write this letter to you to ask for your interruption within my life.
I write to you knowing nothing and you, You knowing everything.
I trust in your decisions, but when you do ask me to come home,
I hope I will have lost the thoughts of despair.



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